I recently saw the documentary babies. The only thing I was told about it was that seeing how all the babies were born, there was something very different about the American baby being born. Did you catch the slight settle thing?
As I approach all the customers at work about this film. Part of my job is to make conversation. I ask others with children, babies or kids, if they have seen this great film. Not all seem to be thrilled and rather apprehensive. Watching babies for two hours! One women remarked. "Sounds boring." Babies! Babies! I am sure that hearing the words babies, might not conjure pretty images. People you've got it all wrong.
I saw something much different then just babies. The beauty of the movie is. It showed babies in the natural form. When and what they are doing, when we are not always looking. The most common thing I hear parents telling their young ones. Do this or not that or what babies can and can not do. The movie let the babies be there own curious wonders of the world around them. It was astonishing. That babies are unafraid with wonderful personality and highly intelligent little people. This movie heighten my perception of babies and definitely brought to the for front that babies are highly perceptive beings.
In da bath
We as people are always too busy these days to see what is really going on. I know this from first hand interacting with people and kids all day long. Working in a food store has more to do with children, then most can imagine. To be continue in another blog. Although babies are not talking, they are, but with thier eyes. ( All images from google)
We started talking online and I had seen bis picture. I was talking to this tall handsome man with long black hair. Who was much older than I. We decided for our first date to go out to eat. To my surprise, awaiting a handsome stranger, at Olive Garden. He showed up in worn-out green sweat pants and sweatshirt to match on top of black velcro shoes. He was shorter than my 5'8" figure. His hair was long and black, but he forgot to tell me he was half bald. He ate with only a spoon. He ordered pasta. No, not a spoon with a fork, just a spoon.
I must have told him my honest impression of what I thought of him. I remember that I rather freaked him out as he thought, I could read his mind. Maybe the eyes of his soul spoke words louder then he could ever say. This moment is a blur, but I picked up on something, not even knowing to my awareness what it was.
Then there was the date at the apple mill. He was too strange for words. While we were walking the paths and through the whole tour of the apple Mill. He kept pocking me in my belly button and giggling like I was his Pillsbury's Dough Boy. Half through the path, we arrived at a bench. He told me he wanted to massage my feet and to take off my shoes, cuz all the girls like that.
If I can't forget Lewis the looser, which I named him after our first date, not to mention a few other dates. He failed to never call or show up on two other dates. A friend had urged me to forgive him another chance. He had help her in a really bad situation. He was after all a really great guy in her eyes.
He met me while at the Library as I browsed the Internet. He told me he was checking me out for a long time as he was not sure if I was a guy or a girl. I assumed this was much better than all my Internet dating. A real person in a real place. He asked me out on a date that night and told me he was able to get in free to the dance club Studio 4.
I arrived all dolled up, far from the image of the half girl half guy as he same me. The doorman took my faux fur coat and wow, I didn't spend a dime. He too was in a nice swanky suit as I didn't much judge him when he was in a baseball cap and sweats and sneakers at our first meeting at the Library. I had no idea I was going on a date with such a find. Yeah, I definitely thought he was well off.
Most of the night he mingled with other women. I was not the jealous type, so I let all the interactions occur. Meanwhile, I went to the bar getting free drinks and I danced with my self to the groovy beats. Thinking to myself while I spend a good part of my night with myself. He was a regular and probably everybody knew him. He was self-employed specializing in door installment and locks. A master locksmith. He said he had business to attend to. So, I let it be.
On the dance floor not too far from my ear reach, he tells a guy he owns a house in Ann Arbor and rents out the extra rooms. Mapping that down in my memory bank. I go home with the guy. I arrive to find out that he actually rents a room in a house in Ann Arbor in the basement if all the places. He has no idea that I overheard what he really said about his place.
I sometime in the night am informed that he asked me out because I was a TAX Write OFF. Glancing over at the bookshelf, I noticed two twin boys in his arms. I myself am a twin. Being a twin I Noticed other twins. Asking who they were, his reply my nephews.
How did the Loser get into Lewis:
The boys were his sons
I was a tax write off
He had no connection, but just pay things off to make it look like he was all hooked up
The business he had to attend too. I am sure was just a role.
The women. Looking back. He was a flirt, probably making hookups ups
I didn't see any of this. I just let people be, do there thing, who was I to be the crazy jealous date of a guy I hardly knew...
The computer guy who lives in an Eco friendly green house. His blog screamed narcissistic." He wants women to like him for who is" I am sure that's why he was dressed like a huge hobo, sneakers cut out to get that extra ware. His house and car told me he made lots of money. The clothes, did not hide the rest of his material world. Years earlier we had met for a brief moment, he thought I was cute. I retraced my memory to realize, I had remember his whole outfit that day we met.
He had ask me in a phone conversation if I had read the blog about his x girlfriend who broke his heart, telling me her father was some regious cult, she was fucked up. He told me, I could if I wanted too wikipedi her dad.
It not clear to me in what order things happened. It a blend of many phone conversation and one outting.
Getting into his car to heading to the pizza place with the rest of his employees. Tuesday was pizza night. I again was cool not thinking much of this, maybe he wanted to feel me out before he had to embrace me just on his own. I gotta excited and pointed something out the car window." Are you going to clean that off, now?" He siad after my finger left a smudge on his car window. We hung out and ate pizza with everyone at the pizza place, meanwhile, he's on his cell phone working most of the time. Back at his place, He walked up the staris. He asked me if I feel okay, him taking a shower. I sit at the only place to sit, his bed. That was a wrong move. I had my dirty street clothes on which didn't mix well with the bed.
He had a tramp stamp, never fully making out the words, I guess it to be DETROIT.
I was also informed of what I should be doing with my life currently. That if I had a cleaning business, that I should really be working on getting more clients, that's what he would do and I should be also getting my divorce, if I were in fact separated.
He told me he wanted a women to Bring home the Dough
Now, at my place of work, I get to see him daily. With lots women. I look at them and nothing sparks my attention.. shes got money maybe?. He dresses well know. When I see him I want to ask. " Did you find your women who brings home the dough." It sure don't look like it?
At work again, Little Bean sits across from me on the floor with tears in his eyes. I say," What happened Little Bean?. Little Beans outing too go shopping with mom always end him up in some trouble. Last time I saw him in trouble, he again was sitting on the floor near tears. having to repeat ten times. " God, please for give me for my sins." He did something he was not suppose to do.He is five years old.
"What did he do," I asked his mom.?
Little Bean, likes to lick things, he ran his tongue all along the frozen cases.
He likes the feeling of the frozeness against his tongue.
He even licked a chicken . Which, I am not sure if it was raw, cooked, or alive. He knows he not suppose to do that, his mom says. utter something about germs.
"Does he think he is an animal or pretending to be one", I asked
I said, maybe your son is tactile. Maybe he is a sensory learner. He has too lick everything to understand his world around him. He could be a sensroy tactile learner. Kinetics to feels things.
"I never thought of that, maybe?"
Also, little Bean is full of energy. He likes to run around the ramped. Most of the people are annoyed by him and how he acts. another day last week. Meanwhile, while mom was talking in the check lane, out about complaining about going to the Di Isis, head of the Catholic Church, in Lansing. Little Bean, was on his own adventure, trashing the men bathroom, with water and toilet paper.
If I was not so dam perceptive. Yes, he might not be acting how he should be or listening to his mother and doing destructive things or doing things that get him in trouble. People, might think she has an out of controlled child. Other the whispering, that women does not know how too con troll her kid?
The bigger message is something more is going on here. In what ever he is doing, I feel is an expression, of something more deeper. He is five, but maybe he doesn't know how to say what he feels or knows what is going on. The message is clear to me.
Knowing his mom somewhat. I think she oblivious to it all. Little Beans always getting in trouble, always doing something not right. In this childish actions... saying
Does anyone pay attention
listen to me, I am here..
There is anger or frustration
I read in my A.D.D Magazine, that often in the classroom or out, a child with A.D.D. gets the label bad behavior. They are not having bad behaviors.
While at work today. I think my writing side screams. It just been so confused and not sure what to do. What I wanted to write about is controversial. My fellow co-work told me
,"It's 2010. You can say anything." The more controversy your blog is the more hits you get and the more money you can make. I suppose that if you want to make a career out of blogging. He gave me an example of the Solider Mom's Blog.
At the same time, I could write things to myself, never posting it publicly. The info, I have, the minute I tell someone and give a small sample or the name of the blogs, I have in my head waiting to be written. All I hear is.. That's gooood. I wanna hear more. Do you wanna add my stories?
But I am torn between not offending people and keeping secrets, secrets. If I could provide this information in a creative entertaining way. I think this is the force within, that keeps me from writing. Trying to be kosher yet not vulgar. Some how embracing this. That it is okay to go there. Realizing, that yet, there's no hiding this from the world. That being out there in the web I am public and my words can be found. There is not options to put the blog on freeze. Which I do not think blog sites have developed that technology. There might be a time when I wanna just freeze it. Shit can come back at you...
A very famous editor and writer once told me this about my writing. When I was approached about doing a piece for a book, after finding some of my Travel blogs. She states. " I am racy, irreverent and naughty. Some how that caught her attention. It's there. I am fighting once again with the good and the bad.. I have already suggested that one of my articles might elude the word Penis. When people hear that. That word, being used, could be personal, but at the same time funny.
I lived through enough strange out there, not the normal. They did What? I share these stories with people all the time. Why not blog that story or that experience.
Which I am totally comfortable talking about Private parts and sexuality ect..... There are more subjects I could dive into, but maybe I am not ready too.
Also, I feel it is the same people who have open up there private lives, emotions and feeling to the world. blogs. I have gathered the most and best information about subjects that have helped me so much. I want to be able to be bold and UN afraid to say that... I too maybe have something to offer people. They don't know it yet and neither do I. I wish to do the same..... as other bloggers have done for me.... It's the courage to break out of the mold and talk about the sexed drugs, perverts people, and the dirty things
We all want to hide and or not talk about the shame. Yet, the shame is not so terrible. To break out to say what we feel... People! There needs to be a revolution!
I PERSONALLY have information, not found on blogs, that I know. I am not aware that it is out there. I also have first-hand experience, which, whatever it is that I want to say.
If it was not for some book, blog or person opening up too me, and sharing a life experience. I would not be where I am...... Communication.............. saying what you feel regardless needs to happen more. I guess that what I am working on. TO free my writer. To let anything I say, no matter what, be okay... acceptance from the world or not.... I might touch someone or nothing.
What has been going on. I admire my other two blogger friends, one talks about food and the other about recycled fashion. They seem to have plenty amount to say on their subjects.
I find it rather hard to have a themed blog. What would mine be? What subject could I talk about everyday in and day out. Maybe their themes are the on going themes in there life? What would mine be? People- the things they say and Do and don't. They surround me each day in my work life. The settle interactions, going, around us. What would happen, if all the nose stopped. No talking, no sounds. If we had to listen like our eyes, but only have the ability to perceive through vision. What might we not pick up on. That maybe we are not aware of. This is the only reoccurring theme that grasps at me.
I, on the other hand feel struggled in my efforts to write or make sense of anything these days. I compose great stories while putting groceries on the shelves, or a customer will say something and it will spark my thoughts to move. Then suddenly like the wind came through and brushed me, going burr from the cold air hitting my skin. All my great, thoughts, stories, ideas and conversations disappear, like lines on tracing paper.