Saturday, March 5, 2011


All my life, I didn’t know what this feeling was. My mind goes blank, thoughts, searching, but nothing is there. My world goes blank, white, as if it were a piece of paper without words. It creeps up. A static white fuzz hovers over my emotions all day, like a bad TV channel that won’t turn off. It waits for me. A heavy feeling consumes my body, fills me up; a warm liquid sensation surges through me. This feeling might pour out of me, an explosion-combusting into tiny little pieces. What if it takes over me? I go, go, go. I cannot stop. It won’t turn off.

Confession Of a Cleaning Lady

You think you know someone, but you really do not know someone until you clean their house. It was the end of my three hour cleaning gig for the Williams's  family. The husband reaches into his pocket to pay me.  We are talking some non sense conversation, somehow I don't let him get a word in edge wise as I keep interjecting. 'Aahh..." He said. I go rambling off again- the words unable to formulate from his lips. I stop and ask him." What would you like to ask me?" " You didn't put the chairs back in the right spot." " I didn't! I didn't!" How could this be? I hardly move the chairs.

My mind took a rewind back to last week, when I was conversing with the wife. '"Ja-Neen, when cleaning things, could you please puts things back in the same spot as you found them, especially our daughters things. She is very temperamental and it would be nice not to have to hear. " Mommy, Why does she move my things? Just minutes earlier my rag caught on the sequence wrapped around the lamp. Quickly informing the mom of my mistake. " From this moment forward do not move anything out of place. I can do that, easy. I go to the daughters bathroom, grasping the stuff lion in my hand as I directly pulled up while whipping the spot. Setting the lion back on the bathroom counter. My mind moves frantically. " O' Shit, which direction was that lion's tale laying?" Was that left, right or front? Moving the the tail, every which way." This is ridiculous", I puffed out. Hoping my precise placement was sufficient enough for the anal eye.

 Coming back to the present moment. "How could I mess up again this week, mumbling to myself under my breath." The husband walked me over to the set of three chairs. They look in the same spot as before, as what my eyes saw. He informed me that there were indentations left in the floor by the chairs and the chairs needed to be lined up with the indentations. I got it. I got it. Never move the chairs again. I leave quietly hoping next week I can get it right, wondering if I will get fired for my inability of not being able to put things in the right place. And I, yet again, knock over the glass jellies while vacuuming underneath the American Girl tea party table. Leaving the house saying nothing. I hope that the daughter realizes it is not out of placement as I was just doing my job.