All my life, I didn’t know what this feeling was. My mind goes blank, thoughts, searching, but nothing is there. My world goes blank, white, as if it were a piece of paper without words. It creeps up. A static white fuzz hovers over my emotions all day, like a bad TV channel that won’t turn off. It waits for me. A heavy feeling consumes my body, fills me up; a warm liquid sensation surges through me. This feeling might pour out of me, an explosion-combusting into tiny little pieces. What if it takes over me? I go, go, go. I cannot stop. It won’t turn off.