why dont I have a new blog

I am currently have lost my Microsoft word and the two blogs that I was working on. I have no idea were the files went or how to retrieve them.

Disconnected

DisConnect



Technology seems to be taking over our daily lives and interactions.  I work at a grocery store. What better example as I witness our disconnectedness everyday. We are getting more and more disconnected from reality as we become more connected to our television, ipod, cellphone, video games, internet, and computers.  Experiencing interpersonal human interaction. We have lost touch with ourselves and it's only getting worse.

What brought on my alarm was one day, while shopping, a mom had her kid in the cart.  He was hooked up to his portable DVD player.  I thought that this was  bad because the kid will never be able to learn from his life's experiences because he never has any. 

• Then, there is the very good looking mom. I always adore her for awesome fashion sense, but we employees talk about her all the time. She only seems interested in her cell phone. she's on it every time she shops, the whole time. she shops often. Her kids constantly nag for her attention.  Cell phones appear to be far more important then anything else. There's the mom that came in with a cell phone in one hand and her ipod touch in the other hand. She didn't have hands left for anything else. 

• My friend also told me this story. While she was at her boyfriend's house, the two kids were in the living room sitting at opposite ends of the couch instant messing back and forth via their computers to each other.  If that didn't strike me as maybe something is wrong here. There was the couple on a reality t.v. shows, who were young teenagers, fighting about there relationship. The girl could not get her boyfriend to talk to her in person. The only way he communicate was via text, email, and facebook

•  On the Oprah show another mom appeared and they added up her cell phone minutes. Out of 1,440 minutes of the day. 8 hours a day she was on her cell phone. That was1 minute out of every three minutes she was on that phone.

How can you be here is this moment or even really have a relationship with your children? Then there was my A.D.D. book that brought it home. This can go for any kids regardless if you have A.D.D or not.

According to" Driven to Distraction." They quote one of the leading children psychologist. The question was. "How do I get my child to listen to me and to do what I want!?"  The answer was this.

•  Set a side 20 minutes a week. Schedule the time with your child.
•  Make it happen at the same time every week.
•  No taking calls, no making food, no bathroom breaks.
•  Just you and your child.  Doing what ever your child wants to do. Giving them your whole attention and not taking the time to try and do anything else.
•  If you are not able to keep the time, then you have to reschedule another time and day with you child.
• The 20 minutes a week is making a promise to your child, if you can't keep it then, you are not keeping your promise. In doing this you will be amazed of how much of a difference this makes in your child's life.

This really got to me. Parents don't  have time to give there kids time?  Why have kids? 20 Minutes a week is nothing. I thought it would be a whole lot more then just 20 minutes. This I found to be devastating.  With both working parents these day. Time to do anything would be impossible.  I do not understand people who have children only  to work and then put them in day care all day. 

The couples at the check outlines, we both be exiting on there phone at the same time. To whom ever. I don't terribly mind you being on your cell phone, as long as you make some kind of contact with your cashier. Then you get the person, who totally for gets and huff and puffs.They swipe the credit card and forget the rest of the steps. Standing there holding up the lane, having there conversation. Meanwhile, you realize, they forgot. You gotta push the next button, then they stop again, talking. You have two more button to push before your transaction is done.  Then you are the evil one for interchange the conversation. There was no"hi" or" hello" or anything.  Often the person checking you out, is all but a ghost.

I don't even know my neighbours anymore. In some places I know them and some I dont. The y2k the Major black out that happen for days. It forced everyone out of there personal space. Everyone was outside talking. People who never spoke, were talking. We had no cell phones, computer or anything to do but to interact with one another. It's sad that something so crazy like a black out had to happen to make people come together.

Kids too are getting younger with cell phones. I had a young girl in my lane, middle school age who for what ever  reason, stood right next to me and texted away. I had to ask her to move. She was on my space and on the wrong side of the counter. Then she flung herself on the otherside, arms stretched out and her head resting on the edge of my counter. I was trying to make room for the groceries to go.  She took up the whole counter space with her body texting.  Never, once stopping to even realize where she was or her body.

Then there were two kids  at the bar.  Each were hooked up to there own personal D.v.D player. That's two d.v.d players with two different movies going on.. I guess parents can be boring. Children have very short attention spans. I agree and disagree. Back in my day, you hooked up kids to get them out of your hair, to the t.v. when you got home. Now, you can do it all the time.

Image c/o Corbis.com

Anxiety

All my life, I didn’t know what this feeling was. My mind goes blank, thoughts, searching, but nothing is there. My world goes blank, white, as if it were a piece of paper without words. It creeps up. A static white fuzz hovers over my emotions all day, like a bad TV channel that won’t turn off. It waits for me. A heavy feeling consumes my body, fills me up; a warm liquid sensation surges through me. This feeling might pour out of me, an explosion-combusting into tiny little pieces. What if it takes over me? I go, go, go. I cannot stop. It won’t turn off.

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Confession Of a Cleaning Lady

You think you know someone, but you really do not know someone until you clean their house. It was the end of my three hour cleaning gig for the Williams's  family. The husband reaches into his pocket to pay me.  We are talking some non sense conversation, somehow I don't let him get a word in edge wise as I keep interjecting. 'Aahh..." He said. I go rambling off again- the words unable to formulate from his lips. I stop and ask him." What would you like to ask me?" " You didn't put the chairs back in the right spot." " I didn't! I didn't!" How could this be? I hardly move the chairs.

My mind took a rewind back to last week, when I was conversing with the wife. '"Ja-Neen, when cleaning things, could you please puts things back in the same spot as you found them, especially our daughters things. She is very temperamental and it would be nice not to have to hear. " Mommy, Why does she move my things? Just minutes earlier my rag caught on the sequence wrapped around the lamp. Quickly informing the mom of my mistake. " From this moment forward do not move anything out of place. I can do that, easy. I go to the daughters bathroom, grasping the stuff lion in my hand as I directly pulled up while whipping the spot. Setting the lion back on the bathroom counter. My mind moves frantically. " O' Shit, which direction was that lion's tale laying?" Was that left, right or front? Moving the the tail, every which way." This is ridiculous", I puffed out. Hoping my precise placement was sufficient enough for the anal eye.

 Coming back to the present moment. "How could I mess up again this week, mumbling to myself under my breath." The husband walked me over to the set of three chairs. They look in the same spot as before, as what my eyes saw. He informed me that there were indentations left in the floor by the chairs and the chairs needed to be lined up with the indentations. I got it. I got it. Never move the chairs again. I leave quietly hoping next week I can get it right, wondering if I will get fired for my inability of not being able to put things in the right place. And I, yet again, knock over the glass jellies while vacuuming underneath the American Girl tea party table. Leaving the house saying nothing. I hope that the daughter realizes it is not out of placement as I was just doing my job.

Children in Da booz

The fascination in the booze. As a child, I didn't grow up with any alcohol in the house. I might of seen my mom drink maybe once a year at a pot luck. My dad told me all the time that drinking every day was not good.  When I came home with work issues, that  were so far out, dysfunctional and not making any logical sense, like I was in the middle of prime time soap opera." They were alcoholics and that drinking was not a way to solve your problems", he said.

The human interaction at work sometimes is so unreal to me. Get a  load of this S**T. Super bowl weekend and I just rang up the mother load of groceries. Finished, the women stated that she was waiting for her son to grab some groceries. When he arrived, it was another cart full of groceries. This was bad, with a full line of people, the next person waiting to go. The guy next waves me on  to ring up.

Look Mom!, Look what I got?  The first item was a bottle of wine he excitedly pulled out of the cart.
What was so special, let me see the bottle I ask?
 Nothing! I was an adult and the bottle looked so ugly by the label, that I myself, knowing nothin about wine as I am sure the kid didn't either. It looked like a boring person wine for old people, that can't see. The kid had not even reached puberty yet. I look over to the next guy in line. He was like," No comment."
Wanting to make conversation to figure out the story.
Is this all his food?
Yep, goes the mom.
He is really lucky, most parents scream when kids add an extra 25 bucks in the cart.
I told him it was Super Bowl and he could pick out anything he wanted.
How much was this what ever he wanted cart of food?
$90.00 dollars. I am exclaiming to myself
That a lot of drinks, I mentioned
We have a lot of people, the mom said. He had a cart full of juice and candy gummies.

The next one happened on Sunday Morning, with a two year old girl in the cart. She told," Mommy is so sad, she cant have her wine today"?

The grand winner of them all. Yeah, you think this is strange. It's real. I encounter strange stories and people everyday of my life.

 The mom is at the check out getting some beer. The child, her son is smacking himself on the face up teen times, while reciting every characters screen name and the actors full name in all the  Harry Potter movies while continuing to slap his face continuously. The conversation went something like this, not sure where it started, but it ended up like this. Her daughter had moved away and some sort of issue was going on.
She told me, the mom, that she didn't want her daughter to drink all the Kool aid crap. She would water down beer and give it  her daughter when she was little. All the other mom's would look at her like she was crazy.

This lady didn't understand why?  Next, she says, in a hostile angry tone blowing my way.

You wonder why I am an Alcoholic mom? The daughter tells this to her mom, and the mom is repeating the conversation to me.

Alcohol in pregnancy ‘makes kids develop taste for booze’

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This is The very Moment

How do we get to a momen,t if we are already in the moment? That is slowly escaping us. But maybe, we do not realize that we are already there.

She told me that her husband had just sent her to a$ 300 workshop about being in the moment. Meanwhile, she commend on how she is always day dreaming. Not knowing, that she was talking to ADD Jeannine. Yes, that is me. Who day dreams all the time, is mostly in outer space or not even here, but  in my own universe. I to have tried alternative therapies, little did she know.

There is being in the moment and being present she told me. You think after a 300 dollar workshop......!!! I  mentioned to her about  Kripula ( a yoga center in NY) which, 4 weeks I volunteered.    She told me she also went to Omega Instituted. another well known center for well being and yoga. But wait there was more.

Just when she was trying to understand " being in the moment" and" being  present" He husband told her about " Be here Now"  Which I knew was Eckhard Tolls Book, called " Be here Now"

She said wait!' To her husband. " I am  still trying to figure out being in the moment and being present, now you want to introduce to me "  Be here now." She said, " hold  on to that one!"

I try my hardest to kindly explain that all three things were the same. There were all about having an awareness of the moment, of the present, of the now.

No! She told me, they were all different


I tried my super hardest to explain in simple steps, they yet again they were all the same.  She had no idea who in fact she was talking to.

No! again, she told me they were all different according to her Husband.

 Who was she talking to?

She was talking to her cashier, who was packing all her food in brown paper bags.

She was talking to her cahire who was packing all her food in back, who was trying to help her make sense of the chaos in her head.  Who had a great idea of how confused she as she she too had spend countless hours pondering many questions, who still yet, can't make sense of all this being in the moment, who had a lot of knowledge  of...

That everything is a happening

Who studies dualities

beliefs are concepts that are not true

we limited ourselves by our beliefs

our thoughts are controlling our attention

thoughts are not arsing from us

our minds are the ones thinking

everything is a happening

energies, chakra, Hinui,Buddhism, tantra

meditation, enlightened, years of yoga

presonal experience

 Indian!

  I too, have been trying hard to always learn more and work on myself, which, if she had no idea was a very, very  slow process..

She told me,  after going to Omega and all the workshops that she has done, that she would be somehow maybe further or more together. It was something close to that, that I gathered in all the rambling.

I am nodding my head going. If you only knew me. I totally understating and hear what you are saying... I thought so too, after everything I have done.

Thoughts are concepts which are belifes

Belifes are concepts which come from thoughts

Concpets, come from thoughts, which come from belifes

You decide

( Great words and saying come from my  friend Susan)

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A morphed percetion of our selfs

Did you look at yourself. I did. I saw you, unlike you see yourself. I stared with my eyes, like you look at me. All of you with your comments. I stand still waiting on you, answering your undying questions, about me. All I can do is shut up and look at you.

I stand tall 5"8' and 1/4 I weight 113. I wear a size two long.  My body is long legs, straight lines, small hips, a long torso. Small frame, but lanky.

•  How much do you weight they ask
• Do you eat enough
• you are so thin
• you look like you lost weight
• Did you loose weight

 I just wanted to tell them. You're so fat and ugly.  You wear your make up like a slut. I think you have a spray on tan.  Your skin is so fried, it looks like it will peel off.  You have acne and a muffin top pouring over your pants. I know your have a boob job, they even look fake.  Do I asked you that. Do I tell you how I think you look.  We can say you are thin, but we can't say you are fat. Cuz saying your fat is rude.

Guess what? Your thin like me, maybe even the same size.  Did you know that? No! You see yourself as some morphed person. I can see you for you.  You are tall and thin like a stick with square hips? Maybe your a size five or seven or nine. Maybe sometimes I am a five too, just like you.

Every person who tells me I am thin. I look at you. What are they talking about?. You're thin too. You're glad you lost some weight? why? You don't need to loose weight.  We look at ourselves and compare our bodies to what standard?

Yeah, I got your old jeans, in a give away pile, they don't even fit me. But yet, you still think I am thin. Your not like me, but you are.

Yeah, I know I lost weight. I am pretty aware of my body at all times. I couldn't tell you, that I was losing sleep at night, stressed out as I was in the middle of divorce dealing with lawyers and a missing cat.   Although I have two jobs, I was still strapped for cash.  Realizing you make too much money to be in poverty, but not enough to afford professional help.

If you didn't know me as you like to tell me how I look. You were to afraid to ask. I eat a lot. I eat all the time. I work hard all day long with lots of physical labor. I burn food, faster then you can eat it. I can't gained weight. My twin brother tried eating sticks of butter, when he was a teenage, to gain weight. It didn't work. I can eat and eat like a huge fat person and not gain a pound. I know I lost weight, I am working on getting it back.  My whole family is thin like me

My crazy fat psychiatrist

wanted me to get some

Some Ass and titties

She told me

 She up my meds

I gained 35 pounds last year.

But all of you thought I was still thin

Did you know I  gained to pants sizes

In four months

My bust increased from flat, to a Small C cup.

It didn't make a difference

I even had fat on my stomach that I could grab with two hands

I had to give all my jeans away

I was too fat for a size two

I got to a size Six

My arms and legs are so long and I am so tall

No matter how much I gain

I will always  be thin

In your mind

you made me into someone

who you wish you could be

like me

But you are thin like me

Your too insane to see  or believe it

Maybe it's scary, because you are small and thin like me

You can't be that label, because you gave me that label

Admitting  to yourself, that your like that girl

who you see every time, wishing you were her

because you can't see yourself for you, but in her eyes she can

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